Day 1: Reckless Love

And we are off! I woke up this morning with a song in my heart the moment my eyes opened, “Arise and shine and give God the glory, glory!” To say we are full of excitement is a huge understatement. Overwhelmed by the ample amount of luggage, paperwork, snacks, iPads, cameras, etc...but oh so excited!! We are just two days shy of meeting our Ethiopian son. We have prayed and dreamed for this day for years now. Just when it seemed all hope was lost, the Lord releases a bounty of goodness. He’s such a good, good Father. Six years was definitely not what we thought we were signing up for. Honestly, we thought it would be a quick process. Just when I was growing faint-hearted, my husband reminded me that we are in this to the end. Even if that means the end was not what we had planned. He is so wise. Just what my heart needed in that moment to be set free. We were in it until the end. Praise God the end involves us bringing our son home!
I’m amazed as I can now look back and get a glimpse of the Lord’s perfect timing. I had a few moments this morning to pause and sit in the Father’s presence. A time to remember why we are leaving our two daughters and flying to the other side of the world. There is one who needs us. He needs a family. And we need him to be apart of ours.
We had a house full of our dear community at our house last night to prayer over our family. We worshipped to the song Reckless Love. It was the perfect song. The one thing I have been wrestling with is leaving my daughters. If you know me, you know I don’t like being away from my kids for very long. I just really really enjoy them. They are God’s generous gift to me. I was reminded last night how the Father “leaves the 99 to rescue the 1”. He deeply loves the 99, but the 1 is in need. He is separated from the family, lost, and alone.
We don’t deserve to be rescued by God, but still He chooses to recklessly love us and bring us into His Kingdom Family. Oh my, how good He is to us!
So, we are headed out on a jet plane this morning!! It took a village (huge shout out to my precious mother for sacrificially caring for our girls and my friend Becca for the ride to the airport, the drive back to our house to grab mine and Cannon’s stash of food for the next 48 hours...food allergies 🙄...and the race back to deliver them to me minutes before we boarded our plane!) what would we do without our community of Belivers who love our family as their own. Reckless love.

The Brave One

There is just something about this picture that makes my heart stand still. I could look at it for several minutes. It moves me.
My heart has been super emotional lately thinking about our son. There are definitely super sweet moments of joy as I think about finally bringing him home after 4 years in waiting. Finally holding his little hand. Finally introducing him to his brother and sisters. Finally teaching him to ride a bike and shoot a basketball. Getting to celebrate Easter and Christmas with him. And, then there are these super hard moment where I feel like I can't breath. These moments that are gripping. Moments that wake me up at night and don't allow me to go back to sleep. Moments that paralyze me on the floor of our bedroom closet. Let's just call these moments what they are...fear. The part of adoption that most people on the outside don't get to see. I'm gonna be completely honest with you, fear has gripped me in waves this entire adoption process. And lately, it's been worse than ever.
Can I really love this child as my own? Will he even like us? Is this going to turn my biological children's lives upside down? Am I gonna be exhausted emotionally and physically?
One of my dearest friends taught me at the very beginning of our adoption what to do when that fear creeps in. In those moments, I go back to the very beginning when God spoke into our hearts without a shadow of a doubt that He called us to adopt. That this was part of His plan for our family. And, I remember. I remember that He is in the midst of this. And, I learned from the start of my relationship with Jesus that He always desires the best for our life.  And, He never ever deserts us and leaves us to figure it out on our own.
Will this be hard? Yes, but it will refine us and move us out of mediocrity. Can we love him as my own? Not without Jesus. Will this turn my biological children's lives upside down? Probably, but hopefully they will look more like Jesus in the end. Am I gonna be exhausted? Yes, but Jesus will be my strength.
We will be fine.
But, then I think about our son and the transition he will make and I completely come undone. Our son is 7. I have a daughter who is 7 (Hartlee). She is very aware of life and her surroundings. She loves her people, loves her life, and loves being home. She gets nervous with new surroundings. She doesn't like to leave her comfort zone. She still needs her mommy and daddy. She cries when she transitions into a new class at Sunday School. She thrives on routine and structure. Strangers make her more cautious and a little worried.
My son is about to be taken out of his comfort zone. Away from his people. Away from his country of birth. Away from everything. And introduced to two complete strangers he has never laid eyes on before who are now "Mom" and "Dad" and who aren't even the same skin color as him and don't even speak the same language. Welcome to the world of adoption.
Hartlee would freak out. I would freak out.
The crazy thing is, WE get called brave. We get called hero, rescuer, praised time and time again for our great deed, for our willingness to take a child into our home.  I've heard comments like "You guys are so brave for adopting". I can't help but think about who the brave one really is.

Shane and I love the meaning of names. Cannon's name means "strong and courageous". Hartlee's means "full of heart". Sutherlin's middle name is Hope because the Lord taught us how to hope for God's best during the season I was pregnant with her.

We have decided to change our son's name. This has been a long and daunting process. Especially because this child has been called the same name for 7 years. But, I can't shake this word, this name, this identity the Lord has on his precious little life. I can't shake thinking about how much courage this will take.

In the Old Testament, the Bible talks about the "mighty men of valor".
Valor: meaning: Worthy. Brave.
Our son's name will be Valor.
He is definitely worthy.
He is undoubtedly brave.

We promise to love you well, you mighty man of Valor.

Joy Unspeakable

We got a referral. For a little boy in Africa. For real. It has actually happened. We know who our Ethiopian son is. And he is PRECIOUS. The one we have prayed for from day 1...about 3 years and 6 months ago. It's happening. Our son.

I'm going to try really hard to put into words how we feel right now, but really, is so unreal that we are having a hard time explaining to people the amount of joy we are experiencing. We found out on Memorial Day, May 25th. I really think that day will be etched in our hearts forever. The kids and I were on our way to Lifetime Fitness to play around. Our first day of summer!!!! So much to be excited about as we drove down I10. My phone rang with an unknown number...which I rarely answer. I normally get so many telemarketer calls for Freedom Cup that I've learned to ignore them. So glad I answered this one. Our family coordinator for America World Adoption Agency was on the other line. I've never spoken to her in person, so I was completely shocked to hear her voice. The very first thing she said was "I have a referral for you". I don't think I spoke. "For a 6 year old boy." I think it was just complete silence for a second. Such. A. Shock. I turned around to Cannon who was in the back seat with my jaw dropped.  He knew instantly. And, he started crying. The brother he has prayed fervently for, dreamed of, longed to meet. This little boy has been in our hearts and prayers for so long now...something we have yearned for, but don't talk about too often with others... I think for the sake of our own sanity. It's too much. I think our hearts have unconsciously built a wall around themselves to keep us each from caving into a big puddle of sadness. We have so desperately wanted him home here since the moment the Lord said yes to start the process. We have always referred to him as "Brother" and he's mentioned often in our home. He has his own bed. There is a pillow with Africa on it. My heart feels like its being squeezed of every last drop of emotion each time I glance over at that pillow.

I had to turn around and drive back home so our Family Coordinator could talk to Shane and I both and give us all of the information together...it was the longest drive back home. I think Shane was in shock when I told him. We just sat there in silence for the phone to ring again. When she (finally) called back, she gave us as much information as she could and emailed us about 28 documents. His life. In 28 documents. I cried. When the picture of his sweet little face uploaded on my computer, my first thought was, "He's a Menn. He looks just like us." I know that sounds comical, but for some reason he just looks like he's our son! I wanted to grab him and hold him and squeeze him and tell him how much we love him! He is everything we have dreamed for. Shane's first words were "look at those cute little starched kacki pants". They had the most precious little starched pleat down the front. He looked so dapper. We cried some more, showed the kids the pictures, and celebrated his life!

He has recently been told about us. He's seen pictures of our family and he knows we are adopting him. The lady who told him about us said he smiled so sweetly when he found out...she said it was priceless. Of course, we have no idea when we will actually get to meet him. We are guessing November, but the Lord has that already planned out. All we have to do is continue to trust Him. His timing is always flawless. We have so many questions that we don't have answers to yet. So, again, we wait...and pray...and dream...and thank Jesus over and over again.  For our son. On the other side of the world. Pray with us?

Waiting...

As soon as we began our adoption journey, I really have felt emotionally like I am pregnant with my 4th child. When I was pregnant with Cannon, our oldest, the entire pregnancy was torture! I could not wait to have that baby boy! Not really because it was physically hard, but because I couldn't wait to be a mommy. I read every book possible and asked many questions to veteran mommies. I prayed so fervently and deeply for this child.  I waited patiently for each checkup to arrive and was amazed by that little nugget of goodness on that sonogram screen. The wait was horrendous.
Then, when I got pregnant with Hartlee, that sweet little toddler boy running around my house kept me a little preoccupied and the pregnancy didn't seem to be as looooonnnnngg. And, of course, when numbero tres (Sutherlin) was created in my belly, I was so distracted by the other 2 kiddos that I was in no rush for her to enter into the world. She was just fine staying right there in my belly. :) Of course, I was so excited to know her and hold her, but I knew very well how much work newborn babies require. I was very content to wait on God's timing. :)
I am now in some strange way "pregnant" with our fourth child, even though he happens to be halfway around the world. I have prayed for him, dreamed about him, and thought often about how wonderful it will be to have him home with us. And of course, Cannon reminds me often of "Brother"...especially as we are building our new house and make plans for the room they will share together. It's even been easier that I am now done with all of the crazy insurmountable paperwork that was required to complete the dossier. And yes, it has been received in Ethiopia!!
Even when I was told that we still may have a long wait ahead of us...I didn't have much time to sit and think on that...I was too busy making dinner, washing clothes, speaking at conferences, cleaning up poop, working out, sitting in pick-up lines, preparing kids' lunches...time was flying bye. Up until now, I have been so crazy busy with life and pouring into my 3 precious children that I really haven't been so obssessed with our adoption. Life really has been nuts. It's kind of been a really sweet distraction. Up until now.
 About 3 weeks ago, the Lord spoke very clearly to me that He is calling me to a season of rest. NOT AN EASY THING FOR ME TO DO. For those of you who know me well, I am a VERY passionate person. All or nothing. In or out. Most of the time it's "all" and "in". It took one single encounter with the Lord when I was 20 years old to turn my life from black to white. Just one. And it was radical. Then, I not only wanted to be "involved" in missions, but I went ahead and jumped on a plane when I was 23 and decided to move to the Philippines to be a missionary. I love running...how about doing a marathon??...I've done 4. It took me 3 months to fall in love with Shane...we got married 3 months later. Okay, so I'm sort of figuring out that I kind of, just a little, have a passionate personality....just a little. :)
So, rest is not easy for me. But the Lord is calling me to rest, and I will obey. You can all hold me accountable to this. :) So, as I have began this season of rest, my soul has began to yearn for my son that lives in Ethiopia. I mean...yearn...like a first time pregnancy. Torture. I don't want to wait anymore. I want him to be here, home with his forever family. I want him to be able to celebrate holidays with his family. I want to hold his chocolate colored hands and kiss his sweet face. It. is. so. hard.
We went out to our new house today that we are building and wrote Scriptures on the framing. I was searching through Scriptures that I wanted to write in my childrens' rooms, and I thought often about our son in Ethiopia. I wrote Scriptures like "He defends the cause of the fatherless" (Deut 10:18) and "God sets the lonely in families" (Ps 68:6). I believe these Scriptures. I believe God's Word is Truth and He keeps His promises. I believe He will bring our son home to us in His perfect timing. I believe He is knitting this precious boy in my heart. For now...I will rest in Him.
Will you pray with us as we wait and rest in this season? What is the next step in our adoption???...When it is our turn, they will match us with our son and call us to give us our "referral". What is OUR next step in our adoption...To wait. And rest.

Home Study finally finalized...whohoo!

It's been a looooong 3 months since we "thought" our Home Study was done....But, as of today, it's officially done. Finalized. Complete. Halleluia!!! We had a little hang up that has taken months to figure out, and not to mention that we moved and had to redo our social worker's visit...but all that is said and done and we are moving forward with our adoption!! We are thrilled!

Oh yes, and remember that little piggy bank the kids started for their "brother in Ethiopia"???  It was pretty much overflowing with a grand total of over $1200.00!!! AMAZING.

Hartlee and Cannon counting their money before a BIG trip to the bank :)

$1200.00...can you believe that craziness???!!

They were so pumped. And, we are so grateful for so many friends and family who bought bracelets, gatorade, granola bars and sent us money. YOU are such a big piece of this puzzle and we say thank you from a very deep place in our hearts. I know that this made such a huge impact on our kiddos.

So, what happens next?? The I600A. I've got all the paperwork ready to send out into the mail for our I600A, which basically gives us a very important piece of paper that grants our child American citizenship as soon as he arrives in the States.

Then, we send off our Dossier to Ethiopia! (The huge pile of paperwork) So thankful that by God's grace I have been able to complete all that is needed for this and it is ready to be mailed out :) 

My sweet little man

Cannon has always been an old soul...very deep thinker, compassionate, extremely tender spirit. He talks about his brother in Ethiopia often. Most of the time he talks about what toys he will share with him and what games they will play together. He picked out a shower curtain for his bathroom that is a map of the world, so he could "remember to pray for his brother in Africa"...seriously, this little man is super in love with his brother already.  Yesterday he put post-it-notes on the couch that were labelled with our names so that we would know where to sit (lol) and he even included a spot for "brother". Shane jokes around that we are going to have to name our son "Brother" because that is what Cannon calls him all the time. He prays so often for him and mentions him to new people he meets.

A couple of weeks ago I went to tuck Cannon into bed and he was weeping. When I asked him what was wrong he said, "I just want my brother to come home", and he just cried and cried. I mean, his heart was hurting so bad. I felt like he was crying from a very deep place within. So we prayed together that the Lord would hear his cries and bring his brother home as soon as possible. Sweet little man. You're "brother" is gonna love you :)



A Finshed Home Study and 2 Super Cool Races

This past month has been filled to the brim!! We are incredibly thankful that our Home Study is complete, and the process actually turned out to be pretty great. I just love the relationships the Lord is allowing us to make along this adoption journey. We couldn't have asked for a sweeter social worker. :) Karen was so gentle and gracious...so easy to talk to. It's so funny how you can work yourself up thinking they are going to inspect every inch of your home...that just wasn't the reality. If anything, Karen brought joy and light into our home, and we are super grateful. Funniest Home Study moment involved Hartlee. My sweet little 3 year old (going on 16) was watching a movie in our room while I was meeting with Karen. She decided to come barging out of the room, and bounced right up into Karen's face and exclaimed, "I LOVE MY LIFE!!"...with a giant grin on her face! It was priceless and hilarious. I'm sure Karen thought that we prompted her to say those words, but I honestly have no idea where she got that idea. It was too funny.

We were involved in two really fun races this past month as well and they were on back to back weekends. My heart has been imprinted with two specific things: 1. We have an amazing community of incredible Jesus-loving friends and family who selflessly serve others. 2. I now have a running partner and his name is Cannon Coy Menn (I couldn't be more thrilled!) :) He completed both 5K races! So fun!

The first race was for a ministry that we just LOVE...the Still Water Camper Scamper was put on to raise scholarships for kids to come out to Still Water Sports Camp and be radically loved on by a super cool staff who are sold out for Jesus Christ. They were so gracious to allow us to have a fundraising booth. We sold Gatorade and granola bars for $1 and amazingly raised $130!!! Cannon and Hartlee were so pumped up! And, I love that they get to be involved with this process of bringing their brother home. I wish I had a picture of them putting the money into their piggy bank. :)



Our booth at Still Water Camper Scamper

Mommy's new running partner :)

The second race we were so grateful to be a part of was the OneLess race which was created by Mitch and Katie Fickey here in Boerne. The Fickey's, who are also adopting from Africa, created this race to help financially support families who are adopting. We were floored to be chosen as one of the beneficiaries of the race this year...really so humbled and honored. The race was so much fun and it was beautiful weather!! Sometimes you can feel so overwhelmed by the love the Lord is pouring out upon your life that there really are no word to express how grateful you are...all you can do is fall flat on your face in awe of the One who makes it all possible...this has been one of those moments. We are still flat on our faces. God has been so generous to us.



The Baker Family, The Fickey Family, and us :)


 


Incredible community love



So what happens next?? We are sending off our I600A packet, which allows us to get fingerprinted and receive a very important document that we will use to bring our son back into the States. Once we receive that precious piece of paper, then we can send off our dossier documents (huge mound of paperwork) to the Ethiopian government. Then, we wait to get a referral and find out who our son is. Will you pray that we get a fingerprinting appointment as soon as possible...we are ready to bring that sweet little boy home. :)

Bracelets are sold out!!

Thank you thank you thank you to our incredible friends and family who supported us by buying a bracelet!! They are all sold out and we are so thankful! The kids are really enjoying seeing people wearing them...I love how God is teaching them in this journey and knitting their brother into their hearts!