As soon as we began our adoption journey, I really have felt emotionally like I am pregnant with my 4th child. When I was pregnant with Cannon, our oldest, the entire pregnancy was torture! I could not wait to have that baby boy! Not really because it was physically hard, but because I couldn't wait to be a mommy. I read every book possible and asked many questions to veteran mommies. I prayed so fervently and deeply for this child. I waited patiently for each checkup to arrive and was amazed by that little nugget of goodness on that sonogram screen. The wait was horrendous.
Then, when I got pregnant with Hartlee, that sweet little toddler boy running around my house kept me a little preoccupied and the pregnancy didn't seem to be as looooonnnnngg. And, of course, when numbero tres (Sutherlin) was created in my belly, I was so distracted by the other 2 kiddos that I was in no rush for her to enter into the world. She was just fine staying right there in my belly. :) Of course, I was so excited to know her and hold her, but I knew very well how much work newborn babies require. I was very content to wait on God's timing. :)
I am now in some strange way "pregnant" with our fourth child, even though he happens to be halfway around the world. I have prayed for him, dreamed about him, and thought often about how wonderful it will be to have him home with us. And of course, Cannon reminds me often of "Brother"...especially as we are building our new house and make plans for the room they will share together. It's even been easier that I am now done with all of the crazy insurmountable paperwork that was required to complete the dossier. And yes, it has been received in Ethiopia!!
Even when I was told that we still may have a long wait ahead of us...I didn't have much time to sit and think on that...I was too busy making dinner, washing clothes, speaking at conferences, cleaning up poop, working out, sitting in pick-up lines, preparing kids' lunches...time was flying bye. Up until now, I have been so crazy busy with life and pouring into my 3 precious children that I really haven't been so obssessed with our adoption. Life really has been nuts. It's kind of been a really sweet distraction. Up until now.
About 3 weeks ago, the Lord spoke very clearly to me that He is calling me to a season of rest. NOT AN EASY THING FOR ME TO DO. For those of you who know me well, I am a VERY passionate person. All or nothing. In or out. Most of the time it's "all" and "in". It took one single encounter with the Lord when I was 20 years old to turn my life from black to white. Just one. And it was radical. Then, I not only wanted to be "involved" in missions, but I went ahead and jumped on a plane when I was 23 and decided to move to the Philippines to be a missionary. I love running...how about doing a marathon??...I've done 4. It took me 3 months to fall in love with Shane...we got married 3 months later. Okay, so I'm sort of figuring out that I kind of, just a little, have a passionate personality....just a little. :)
So, rest is not easy for me. But the Lord is calling me to rest, and I will obey. You can all hold me accountable to this. :) So, as I have began this season of rest, my soul has began to yearn for my son that lives in Ethiopia. I mean...yearn...like a first time pregnancy. Torture. I don't want to wait anymore. I want him to be here, home with his forever family. I want him to be able to celebrate holidays with his family. I want to hold his chocolate colored hands and kiss his sweet face. It. is. so. hard.
We went out to our new house today that we are building and wrote Scriptures on the framing. I was searching through Scriptures that I wanted to write in my childrens' rooms, and I thought often about our son in Ethiopia. I wrote Scriptures like "He defends the cause of the fatherless" (Deut 10:18) and "God sets the lonely in families" (Ps 68:6). I believe these Scriptures. I believe God's Word is Truth and He keeps His promises. I believe He will bring our son home to us in His perfect timing. I believe He is knitting this precious boy in my heart. For now...I will rest in Him.
Will you pray with us as we wait and rest in this season? What is the next step in our adoption???...When it is our turn, they will match us with our son and call us to give us our "referral". What is OUR next step in our adoption...To wait. And rest.
